A numbing pain

It is saturday night and I am finally am able to work. I had a migraine all day today due to crazy weather in Israel and of course it was worsened by a hangover. The pain of missing her is somewhere on a background and sometimes my heart just physically starts to hurt. While I am doing work I have a whole background process working on my experience with a girl this Thursday, thats right it took me some time but I was with a beautiful girl this Thursday who wasn’t a hooker. It was a nice experience, but it might have created more questions than erased.

Ok so little bit about a girl. We used to go to school together, so I pretty much know her for 10 years now. We were in pretty good terms in school and I always felt that she has some hots for me. She is beautiful model tall and model thin with a curly red hair I will call her “RR”. We talked a bit over the phone while I was still in Canada and finally met when I travelled to spend couple of days with my closest friends over here that live in a separate apartment in the middle of nowhere.

RR wanted to see me so much, which I really didn’t expect that she cancelled her work and took a 3 hour train to spend an evening with me Micky and A (my friends, more about them in some other posts). She looked really good and stylish when she finally arrived. I been drinking Red Label for awhile and I was in a good mood when she came. Micky, I and her went to buy some food and she cooked some nice past right away. I don’t know whether she was very hungry or she wanted to show me her domestic skills.

After a nice meal we sat around and chatted forever, by that time I finished around half a bottle of red label and was pretty lightheaded. When people started to walk off I talked to RR and said that I like her and then kissed her. She didn’t mind at all. Micky suggested going to a club, I really didn’t want to, all I was thinking about is everyone leaving and me staying with RR in bed, but we she wanted to go so off we went. I started to feel bad in a car and had to puke my guts out on the street. RR and Micky made me drink 2 litre bottle of water and puke it out again. That helped me to clear my head a bit and allowed to walk on my own two feet to a club.

After some time in a club I suggested her we take a cab and take off, she didn’t mind. So went to Micky’s home and A was sound asleep. I didn’t want to assume she is going to have sex with me that night, so I suggested to RR that I can sleep on a couch, but she said she didn’t mind and went to a shower. I thought about wearing a T Shirt and stuff, but then I thought fuck it and undressed till my underwear.

When she finally came in I thought it will take her some time to take off her cloth and we would kiss, but she just jumped right over me. Her body was so different from Yales, so young, smooth and thin. While many would consider it the perfect body type it is not my type really. In any case the experience was nice, she is very different from Yale and she managed to cum twice. I didn’t cum a single time as it takes me a long time and every time I would start some serious ground and bound she would cum and ask me to stop.

Next day we were both hangover and stayed in bed for half a day, then took a cab to a train station. Some light talking and light kissing nothing more. Exchanged couple of texts that we miss each other and it is the end of that story for now.

Now about my feelings since that was the first experience with a girl who actually wanted me without being a hooker. My thoughts:

-RR is very nice girl, creative, thoughtful and seem pretty kind. However, I have hard time reading real her, I don’t know when does she get mad and what her interests are.

-A doubt that me being financially well-off and living in Canada has something to do with her almost immediate attraction is there, but I know she liked me from back school so it might have been that. Plus we do have some sort of immediate connection not as burning hot as with Yale, but it is a connection

-I think I am more compatible in terms of sex with Yale, I don’t weather it is because we had so much of it that we learned to please each other or because of my love to her and her genuinely turning me on and the connection it was on a whole different level. I mean sex with RR was great a lot of people would probably think it was amazing, but honestly it is nothing compared to Yale.

-I am confused about RR whether she is a rebound or my future love, I don’t know whether I can love her. The more time I spend with her the more I like her, however it also makes me miss Yale a lot, because she is different from Yale. I am not stupid I understand that every person is different and that RR has a lot of different things that Yale didn’t have and she is not worse than Yale just different, but I still miss those things about Yale. It seems that right now I even miss bad things about Yale

The bottom line I don’t know whether the experience with RR helped me or not. It is so hard to believe people now, I still miss Yale like crazy, but I think I am on a road of no return already. I guess I need to give it sometime and figure out.

P.S. This is the longest break in communication with Yale in 3 past years, I wonder how she feels. Weather she started to forget who is it like talking to me or she actually misses me. Maybe I should write her a letter.